I will never be confident that I am a guide for the blind, a light to those in the dark, an instructor for ignorant people or have all the answers to life's questions. I, however, continue to believe that as I share my own experiences and testimonies, that I will continue to breakthrough these walls of vulnerability and be transparent in order to help those held captive, just as myself.
As I open up and tear down the ever so comfortable facade that I hide behind, I've come to realize that in that vulnerability, there is VALUE. Is it not true that a house of value becomes a prime candidate to the perils of a burglar? Without it's content, the house would be of no value. Correct?
I've learned that as I stumble along life's path that it is within my secret thoughts, that I diminish my own self-worth and value. I become my own prisoner. My own thoughts begin a game of Tug-of-War, accusing on one occasion and defending on another. I soon become my own judge of who I am, instead of who I am created to be.
In my own mental cell, I lay a foundation strengthened by all of my hurts, habits and hangups and start to build a wall of bricks as I label them, "right" and "wrong". As I layer on the mortar of insecurities, fear and doubt I continue to stack my perception of "right" and "wrong". I somehow, falsely feel more secure. As my wall extends higher and my mortar of insecurities, fear and doubt harden and solidify, I have now taken on the Title of Chief Architect and Creator of my life.
I now solely view my experiences and relationships through a small hole, in the wall, that I soon find myself enclosed behind. As I peer through the narrow crack in the wall's mortar, I discover that there are other similar cells all around me. There are cells measured with thicker mortar and walls which scale much higher, in comparison to mine. As I stare in astonishment, I realize that we have all become Architects of our own imagination; some much more talented than others.
I wonder to myself, "Have they experienced the same disappointments and heartaches in life as I?" "Could it not be that we all have something in common, in one way or another?" "Whether her wrongs outnumbered my rights, why was her mortar much thicker than mine?" "Is there not something that we can learn from one another and why is it necessary to live undercover?" I was alone and so were they. "What led me to believe that hiding behind my 4 walls was going to make this all go away?"
All alone, in my cell, I couldn't help but to feel a quickening in my Spirit. If I could just find the strength to get to the other side, I knew there had to be others that felt just like me. Where I was weak, they could possibly give me strength. If I shared my falls and flaws, might they not begin to break down their walls?
As each one of my bricks came down, I began to see more clearly; our burdens and hurts had become the soil of our foundation. As we come together and till the soil, pull up roots and pull out weeds, we then plant new seeds. The barren ground now sprouting new life and healthier foundation from which to erect a Strong Tower from which we stand. A band of women, knit together, hand in hand.
As we continue daily to tear down the walls of "right" and "wrong" , worry and doubt, let us remember that there is VALUE in vulnerability and we all need to break out! In vulnerability and communion we will find value and strength.
